


Searching

by FyreinFlair



Series: Sensory Prompt Fills [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Depression, Drabble, F/M, Post Game, Pre Trespasser, Prose Poem, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-06 01:35:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11025837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FyreinFlair/pseuds/FyreinFlair
Summary: Sensory Prompt Fill: The moment when reality starts to make sense again. After the events of Inquisition, Inquisitor Lavellan must come to terms with her love, Solas, leaving her.





	Searching

The first week without him she didn't feel a thing. It's amazing how numbing near death experiences followed by constant celebration can be. One moment there was nothing but fear; the sky torn open once again like a wound, bleeding out into the world. And then, nothing. She heard their cheers, felt them as they took her hand to shake. Everyone wanted a piece of her, the famed Inquisitor: healer of the sky. She just kept following the flow of where people told her to go. This dignitary wanted to meet her, this lord wanted to give her a title, several marriage proposals were flung her way. Josephine expertly helped steer her where she needed to be, navigating through the sea of nobility like a seasoned pirate captain. She barely had time to think of herself, let alone anyone else. So everything was alright, for a time.

However, the silence eventually settled in. Not quite like before, but a sense of normalcy enveloped Skyhold once more. Everyone continued on with the work that still needed to be done; soldiers were trained, battles were fought and won. But she was stuck. Each time his name came up in conversation, a mention of the fade, a soldier's chuckle that sounded just a bit too familiar... it was as if a switch went off inside of her. It wasn't unusual for fire to erupt from her hands at the slightest inquiry of his location while she was in the room. The gossip got out of hand. 'She's out of control!' they would say. 'She's lost it, she finally let the fame go to her head, you know mages, eventually they will turn out bad'. She was no stranger to slander, but nothing would put out the flames that she carried inside of her.

As the days grew longer, her flames began to calm. She turned her fire into focused energy, working with Leliana, insisting if they just had more men, more contacts, they could find him. There was never enough. She stopped listening to her advisors, screaming in Elven at the war table when they said the situation was hopeless, he was nowhere to be found. 'Inquisitor, he's gone'. 'He doesn't want you to find him'. 'We have more pressing matters at hand.' She ignored every one of them. If only she kept searching, kept fighting, she would have to find something. Anything. She refused to believe that she had to give up.

It wasn't until a full year later that she finally stopped looking. It was whispered, but known that you were not to talk to the Inquisitor about the matter, no mention of her lover’s name, nor even asking if she was alright. The soldiers would salute, only letting their expressions fall when her back was turned. The nobility hid behind their masks, slowly leaving Skyhold, leaving her behind as the Inquisition became but a story of the past. She would disappear for days, and lies began to spread to cover up the reason. Distance was made in more than mere area. She stood on the ledge of the balcony outside her quarters more than once, silently thankful for the spirit of compassion who never failed to hold her back before she jumped.

Two years have passed, and she is smiling again. She can hear the birds sing once more. Promises are kept and friendships rekindled. Food has taste again, laughs have meaning, and she can breathe. Visitors no longer whisper, smiling as she passes by with glimpses of hope in her eyes. It was as if she had been living in the fade, and was only now passing through the veil. 

Standing on her balcony with no desire to remove her feet from the study ground, she breathes in the night air without fear of despair.

Reality finally starts to make sense again.

**Author's Note:**

> woohoo this one was interesting. I really wanted to write something with the stages of grieving, as I believe it can be applied to any type of loss not just death. So yeah, hope you enjoyed~ <3
> 
> (thanks again to Rachelle for being the best beta <3)


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